When She Loved Me
by EmotionlessIdiot
Summary: Maura cheats on Jane, Jane gets angry and they argue. Maura is guilty and becomes suicidal. Does Jane save Maura? Jane/Maura


**When She Loved Me**

I sat on my couch, a Photo and frame in my hands, and I listened to a song on loop. It was playing on my iPod, which was attached to it's dock on my coffee table. I had my knees up to my chest and tears were rolling down my face. The song was called When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan, it was the perfect song for how I was feeling. I messed things up with Jane and now we would never be together again.

She hasn't spoken to me in four days and since we used to talk everyday, it seems weird and extremely lonely. Frankie's been over to see if I was ok. He told me Jane's been angry and picking fights with people for no reason, but he said she'll talk to me again soon. I hope she can forgive me and I hope she'll at least be my friend again. Except for Frankie she was my only friend.

I didn't mean to cheat on her, I wasn't thinking ans I was caught in the moment, plus I was drunk. The song finished playing for the 20th time and the doorbell rang. I paused my iPod and opened the door. Jane was standing there. She took in my sweats, baggy, wrinkly t-shirt, messy hair and red, watery eyes. Jane looked about the same only her knuckled were cut and swollen. Jane opened her mouth to speak, but before she could I blurted out, "Sorry...I'm so, so sorry Jane. I didn't mean to hurt you.

I was drunk and wasn't thinking". "Let me in" Jane said in a tone void of emotion. I stepped aside so she could come in and shut the door behind her. I went to sit on the sofa and she sit in the armchair. "I trusted you...I trusted you and you cheated on me. Do you know how that made me feel?" Jane asked. "Horrible. Hurt, betrayed, angry, upset, annoyed" I answered.

"Yeah...I never thought you would make me feel like that. After everything we've been through, everything I did for you. After I came out to my parents and got disowned, after I saved your life a few times, after I went to England for you. I can't believe you would do that to me" Jane almost shouted. "I know, I know I'm sorry. I didn't plan for it to happen, I wasn't thinking, I was drunk. I'm really, really sorry Jane. It wont happen again, I promise. Please forgive me" I was crying again. Jane just sat there, silent for a while, staring at me.

"Why should I forgive you?" Jane asked. "Because I won't do it again ever. I want to be with you and only you. I'm in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you" I told her. She was silent again, thinking about what had happened and what I said. "I forgive you, but I'm still angry at you and I can't be around you right now" Jane told me. She got up and walked to the door.

"I don't know it we'll be in a relationship again. We have to start over, from now on we just work together". "Till when?" I asked. "When I can trust you again, we can be friends again" She answered and walked out the door. I fell on the floor crying my eyes out, it felt like I couldn't breathe. I lay there for hours, I don't know how long it was but soon enough it was dark and then the next thing I knew it was daylight.

I must have fallen asleep because I didn't notice the sun come up. I still lay on my floor, I couldn't move, I felt like giving up on everything. If I didn't have Jane, there wasn't any point in living. Someone else could do my job, someone else could look after Bass, someone else could be Jane's BFF, someone else could be her lover. I decided there was no need for me so I got up, got Bass and drove to the morgue.

I made sure no one would notice me arrive. I left Bass with some food and water on the floor in my office and got back in my car. I drove around for hours just thinking. I finally ended up at an apartment building, I wasn't sure which one. I went up to the roof and looked out over Boston. I walked to the edge of the roof and looked down at the floor. I was a long way down, if I fell, I would die. I stood there looking at all the people going about their everyday, busy lives. I climbed up on the ledge and heard the door shut behind me.

I could sense who it was, I could always tell when Jane was around. "Don't do this Maura" Jane said. "Why shouldn't I? I have no reason to be here Jane" I replied. "Don't give up Maura, you have a wonderful life and you can do anything with it. You can go anywhere you want, do anything you want" Jane told her. "There's nothing Jane, I've thought about it all day, there's nothing left" I muttered.

Jane walked towards me and when she got so close, I told her, "Stop, come any closer and I'll jump now". "Maura...look at me" Jane asked. I turned around to face her, I was crying again and so was she. "Don't do this when you don't know what will happen in the future. You don't know what will happen to you or me or _us_" Jane plead. "Jane, there's nothing left for me. There's no reason for me to be here. Someone else can do my job, someone else can look after Bass, someone else can be your BFF, someone else can be your..._lover_" I told her.

"Just come down off the ledge, we can talk about this, we can work through this" Jane replied, taking a step towards me with her hand out. I stepped off the edge of the building, expecting to fall to my death, but surprisingly Jane had caught my wrist. "I am not letting you die on me" Jane told me through gritted teeth. "Just let me fall Jane" I asked. "No, that's something I can't do. I wont lose you, there's no one else for me Maura. You're it, I'm in love with you and just because we had a problem, I'm not letting you get away from it. I'm not letting you give up" Jane rushed out. She was struggling to pull me up. "Give me your other hand".

She stretched out her other hand and I grabbed onto it. Jane pulled me up so far, but she was struggling. She put her foot on the side of the ledge and pulled harder. She managed to get me to the ledge, then she pulled me by my upper arms. She pulled me up and over onto the roof. I ended up on top of her, looking into her eyes. I saw the love and concern shining in her eyes. "You still love me even when I..." I asked.

"Yeah of course I love you" Jane answered and pulled me down for a kiss. It was slow, meaningful and filled with our love for each other. We parted when the need for oxygen became to great. "Come down to my apartment and we'll talk about this" Jane whispered. "We're on your apartment building?" I asked. Jane rolled her eyes, we got up and went to her apartment. We sat on her couch, facing each other and Jane held my hands.

"I'm sorry for saying we weren't together any more, I didn't mean it, I was just angry at you. I know you're sorry too for what you did. I can forgive you because you were drunk and I know what you're like when you're drunk. You're just not goin to be drunk around anyone other than me." Jane started and I laughed a bit at her last comment. We both knew that when I'm drunk I'm extremely horny and want sex there and then, without thinking about the consequences.

"How did you know where I was and that something was wrong? I didn't even know what building I was standing on" I asked. "Ma and Frankie talked to me and told me to stop being stupid and not to walk away from you. I phoned you several times but there was no answer, so I went to your office but only Bass was there which was weird. Then I went to your house and you didn't answer, so I kicked the door in but you weren't there.

I came here after because I thought your sub-conscience would make you go somewhere I knew where to find you" Jane answered. "That does make sense, if I didn't really want to die I would want the person I love to stop me from dying" I replied. "I'm glad I got to you in time to save you, I don't know what I would do without you" Jane whispered, putting her hand on my cheek. "I'm sorry I did that, I couldn't bare the thought of not being with you and there really isn't another reason for me to be here" I replied.

Jane pulled me to her and hugged me tight. Just then the door opened and Frankie and Tommy walked in. "Jane we can't find...oh, never mind" Frankie said. "Ma's on her way up, she'll be happy to know you made up" Tommy told us. I turned around in her arms and rested my head on her shoulder. "Come in, sit down" Jane told her brothers. They came over to me and gave me a hug, then sat in an armchair and next to me.

Then Angela came in and noticed I was here. "Maura, glad you're ok" she said and gave me a hug too. She sat in another armchair. "You back together now?" Frankie asked. I looked to Jane, still kind of unsure myself. Jane looked at me. "Yeah" she answered and kissed me lovingly. "Am I going to have grandkids from you two at some point?" Angela asked. "Ma!" Jane complained.

"If Jane wants to, when the time's right, I think we will have children" I answered. "Really?" Jane asked smiling. "For the record, you would make great parents" Tommy told us. Jane whispered in my ear and I slapped her arm. "Jane! We have company!" I told her. "I meant later" Jane said. We all talked about random things, work, relationships, sports, for the next few hours, until they had to leave and we went to bed.


End file.
